There is another aspect of myself that I don’t often write/ talk about. I’m very self-conscious about it and more often than I’d like, I feel ashamed about it. I am bipolar depressive. I was diagnosed 6 years ago. Talking about it to me is really complaining and that is one of the things I’m working to minimize in myself.
However, I realize I am not the only artist that is affected by this decease and the harmful effect of the diminishing attention our art no longer get by how most (if not all) social media flatforms no longer allow their users’ posts to appear chronologically on their stream. I decided, I better say something so those of you are feeling this right now and let you know that are not alone.
For those who don’t know about bipolar depression, it is like being happy and light and enjoying life one day and then suddenly for no apparent reason the opposite of that. It is like waking up in the morning and feeling like there are giant hands on your shoulders pushing. Getting out of bed in the morning and through the day is like swimming in molasses. That being said, I know not everyone believes bipolar depression is a real decease and your entitled to your own opinion. This is only an opinion of one artist who have that decease.
For the sake of brevity, bullet points. Here we go..
Here’s how its all connected:
- I in the hole (what I call the bouts of depression) but I strive to get up anyway because…
- I know I can make art and it will make me feel better;
- Then I share it on Instagram, flickr and facebook and the rest of the world sees it, they give it a like, make positive comments about it and sometimes even goes as far as telling me how it resonates with them and it made them feel better;
- I check out their posts. I check out other artists’ post.
- A connection is made. I make friends and feel less alone;
- Enough people like it enough to buy it, then Yay! $$$s, more money to make art, pay my rent, double yay!;
- I feel good and feel encouraged to make more of my art, share it again, repeat and return;
- I feel like part of a community;
- Then IG, flickr, fb decides to do this algorithm “crap” (sorry, thing);
- My followers no longer see my works, the connections are severed and;
- BANG! Goes everything that allows me to make connections which generates good feeling;
- I end up falling into the hole more often and it becomes even harder to climb out of it because the feeling of isolation, although virtual, feels real. Continue Reading »
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