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There is another aspect of myself that I don’t often write/ talk about. I’m very self-conscious about it and more often than I’d like, I feel ashamed about it. I am bipolar depressive. I was diagnosed 6 years ago. Talking about it to me is really complaining and that is one of the things I’m working to minimize in myself.

However, I realize I am not the only artist that is affected by this decease and the harmful effect of the diminishing attention our art no longer get by how most (if not all) social media flatforms no longer allow their users’ posts to appear chronologically on their stream. I decided, I better say something so those of you are feeling this right now and let you know that are not alone.

For those who don’t know about bipolar depression, it is like being happy and light and enjoying life one day and then suddenly for no apparent reason the opposite of that. It is like waking up in the morning and feeling like there are giant hands on your shoulders pushing. Getting out of bed in the morning and through the day is like swimming in molasses. That being said, I know not everyone believes bipolar depression is a real decease and your entitled to your own opinion. This is only an opinion of one artist who have that decease.

For the sake of brevity, bullet points. Here we go..
Here’s how its all connected:

  • I  in the hole (what I call the bouts of depression) but I strive to get up anyway because…
  • I know I can make art and it will make me feel better;
  • Then I share it on Instagram, flickr and facebook and the rest of the world sees it, they give it a like, make positive comments about it and sometimes even goes as far as telling me how it resonates with them and it made them feel better;
  • I check out their posts.  I check out other artists’ post.
  • A connection is made. I make friends and feel less alone;
  • Enough people like it enough to buy it, then Yay! $$$s, more money to make art, pay my rent, double yay!;
  • I feel good and feel encouraged to make more of my art, share it again, repeat and return;
  • I feel like part of a community;
  • Then IG, flickr, fb decides to do this algorithm “crap” (sorry, thing);
  • My followers no longer see my works, the connections are severed and;
  • BANG! Goes everything that allows me to make connections which generates good feeling;
  • I end up falling into the hole more often and it becomes even harder to climb out of it because the feeling of isolation, although virtual, feels real. Continue Reading »
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I’ve been working on these babies since February. After surviving a torn rotator cuff, upper back and lower back injuries (job related) a cataract removal and delays due to having to wait between weekend salary and job starts and stops, they are finally ready to introduce to the world. Phew!

So here they are in all their adorable glory. I hope you like them.

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There are more photos on my instagram (@CreatureSmith) and my flickr (like on the sidebar).

Work on stuff for “THe Trees of Knowing” as usual is ongoing since 2012. Grant me patience to see it through.

Happiness!

Resurection…

Hello. Its me after three years of radio silence. My last blogpost was 2015 when I was still in Sacramento, CA. Since then I’ve moved to Jersey City, NJ and within NJ, I’ve moved three times. Whew! Remembering that was as exhausting as having moved all those times.

Anyway, I’m on my third place here in Jersey City and I finally have a working studio again. I think this is the largest studio I’ve had since I came to the US eight years ago.  It feels longer, really.

Here by my new studio in all its glory. 🙂

Here are some WIPs…

I finally had the courage to mod my DC Bella’s face for the character of Uwak (crow). The mask is also her’s. Made from polyclay and apoxie clay.

For those of you who is new to my blog, Uwak is a character in a story that I am working on. “Life happens when your busy making other plans” as Joh Lenon sings, so I have not picked up on my story writing until last month.

I found myself in a predicament of having a lot of time (A.K.A. In between jobs). I was flooded with this energy that brought me back to the zone and suddenly I started making again.

I found my way to this blog called Picturebook Makers
And was inspired to work on the design aspect of my story. Previous to this I was on Netflix watching Joseph Campbell talk about the Hero with a Thousand Faces and inspired to check out the Hero’s Journey and “Bam!” I was working on my plot structure. I am, however stuck on the last phase so I’m reading about other artists process and evolution is when they were working on their now published stories.

The insomnia is back. I recently had cataract surgery and recovering from that has somehow fed the insomnia. So I am puttering around watching movies and reading blogs or sculpting or making tiny shoes…

Its been difficult muddling through the highs and lows of BPDepression but I have my art to keep me busy. The sadness and loneliness can be Di ulit sting despite that, however, but I manage to trudge on even at a crawling pace.

Its also tested my sense of restraint as far as sitting on details of my progress with the story or the visual design because I have come to a realization that SM Flatforms like Instagram and Pinterest is full of opportunities for thieves and copiers to steal your concepts. That’s been a paradox for me because it is all worthless emotionally if I can’t share my progress with you. Why? Because when I do, my world is infinitely less lonely and I feel less alone.

 

 

 

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Our Lady of Resilience

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“Simple Joys”

 

 

They are both on Etsy.

Hi everyone!

I just finished adding four character doll in my etsy shop. Do check them out.

Thackery BeeneParacelcius GreeneRavenna BlackBilly Boyd

Again, pardon my radio silence. I had surgery on my right hand 15 days ago and was out of commission until now. Typing still hurts but I am back.

More about the developing story of the Trees of Knowing later. My hands need a rest from typing.

Happiness!

Contemplating…

I have been in limbo since I lost my job in October 30th 2014. My wrists, hands and major weight bearing joints have taken a toll for the worst. Amazingly enough I have been working on creature projects these past few months despite that.

I have found an at-home job in the middle of March but after a month (as per the aggreement I signed with the company) I was not paid. As an effort to raise money to pay my bills (storage, rent, bus fare), I have put some of them up for sale on my CreatureSmith etsy store. I have more creatures to photograph and put up on my etsy shop with the same intention.

I am thankful that I am still able to create these creatures and characters despite all that I have been going through these past several months and this past 2 years. Getting over a painful divorce last year took a lot more time, energy and spirit than I realized it would. I feel like swimming in molases most days but I trudge on.

I’ve had to rethink everything. The dreams I had before the marriage, the dreams I can still hope to and endeavor to achieve now that I have pain issues on my hands. I am, however, still here -although a lot worse for wear, and still hopeful and committed to living a life of happiness.

With the help of new and old friends, I am able to press on. Do pray for me. I still and could always use more of that.

Thank you.

Happiness!

Fae baby, merbaby, bee baby and tiny octopus are now ready for adoption.  Inquiring and desiring minds, visit my etsy store!  Happiness!

fae baby

fae baby

Merbaby

Merbaby

Bee baby

Bee baby

Tiny Octopus

Tiny Octopus